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January 31: Be Right or Be Married!

Robyn — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 15:05:53 +0000

By Kathy Schoenborn

Personal Expectations
Thinking our views are right or presuming negative intention from our spouse are both deal breakers for contented marriage. The argument of “right or wrong” causes trouble in our marriages as we take issues not related to morality and dig in our heels to show our spouse that we are right. It is quite arrogant of us, actually, to think that our views and perspectives on life are right, which, by the way, would automatically make their views wrong!

I like the saying “You can either be right or you can be married!” Terry Real identifies this as a “perception battle,” or a contest about meaning. He says it occurs all the time in relationships, is a huge waste of time, and is irresolvable. He says it begs the unanswerable question “Whose reality is most legitimate?”

Obviously, both individuals in a marriage can’t be right, but actually, we can both be right if we accept that there is no right or wrong, just different. That is, unless we are discussing a moral right or wrong. We take it a step further when we see ourselves as right, then presume a negative intention regarding our spouse. This really escalates defensiveness and conflict, making a compromise much less probable. To reduce relational damage we need to ask for clarification of intent if we suspect a negative motive from our partner. In the case where one of us senses we are being negatively judged, we need to respond with an assertive versus an aggressive response.

Women adopt many early marriage expectations from family, society, culture, movies, books, and friends. Our expectations are often not talked about or challenged for truthfulness. They include such ideals as:

“He will meet my needs and make me happy.”
“I will not be hurt by my spouse because we love each other.”
“He will change after we get married.”
“My love for him will always stay the same.”
“We will never be torn apart by problems.”

These early and unrealistic expectations often get turned into negative attitudes, such as:

“I will never be happy with this spouse.”
“Our fighting shows that we are just not right for each other.”
“He is not changing, so I must have made the wrong choice in a spouse.”
“We have just fallen out of love and it can’t be rekindled.”
“We can never overcome this problem.”

Whether we believe the first or second set of statements regarding our marriage, they are both subjective. These self-generated beliefs often lead us to blame our spouse for the outcomes. Blaming them locks us out of a solution and disables our ability to discern the real truth

I implore you to take the time to examine expectations about your husband, marriage, and love. Only then can you make intelligent and informed decisions based on truth, not the often-skewed perceptions of a hurting person! Remember, there is another person on the other side of the wedding rings who has expectations of his own. Ladies, we owe it to ourselves, our spouses, and our children to stop and examine these highly lethal “setups” to marital disaster.

Get Kathy Schoenborn’s book, I Want to Stay Married, But How?: Empowering Christian Women in Marriage

Bible Study Series!

Robyn — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 16:27:02 +0000

Since it’s a New Year (and time for resolutions, fresh starts, and/or recommitments to disciplines that have faded), we wanted to give you some tools that will help you “resolve” to do a better job of reading the Bible in 2012. As a church, this is assuredly one of the most vital practices we can do together. Psalm 119:105 reminds us that

“[God's] word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.” Simply said, if we’re not reading our Bibles this year, we’ll be walking in the dark. Our Goal this year will be to read the New Testament together. While the Old Testament is important I want us to focus on the New Testament this year! Click on the link below to get the reading plan!

Click the following link for the Reading Plan for the New Year!

2012 Budget Suggestion Box!

Robyn — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 17:19:27 +0000

BUDGET SUGGESTION BOX!
We are still looking for suggestions from the congregation to help us reduce the budget so that we can get an idea of what you as the congregation wants! There is a suggestion box on the table in the narthex please put your suggestions in the box. You can put them in anonymously or put your name on them. Also please keep in mind we are welcome to ideas on how to raise funds for the budge for example: Adopt—A– Bill, spaghetti dinners, rummage sale!
Thank you the Stewardship & Finance Committee

Children’s Worship Has Arrived!

Robyn — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 15:55:54 +0000

We will have our Children’s worship

February 5

February 19

Children’s church is for children ages 3-Grade 4.

Children are dismissed from the sanctuary after the Children’s Moment in worship

Sundays Sermon

Robyn — Wed, 26 Jan 2011 15:40:15 +0000

January 29, 2012

A Time for Hope, Change, Vision Part 4!

January 22, 2012

A Time for Hope-Vision-Change Part 3!

January 15, 2012

Hope, Vision, Change Part 2!

January 8, 2012

New Hope, New Vision!

January 1, 2012

What To Do With Your New Year!

December 25, 2011

The Greatest Gift!

December 18, 2011

The Gift of Willingness!

December 4, 2011

The Gift of Holiness

November 6, 2011

Simplify Your Life!

October 30,2011

This Is God’s House!

October 23, 2011

Jesus’ Last Words

October 16, 2011

Opportunity’s Knocking!

October 9, 2011

Some Explainin to Do!

October 2, 2011

Building Bridges!

September 25, 2011

Mission Meets Need!

September 18, 2011

God’s Heart For You – Part 2

September 11,2011

God’s Heart For You - Part 1

September 4, 2011

The REAL work of the Church!

August 28, 2011

Giants of the Faith: Jonathon: Big Picture Power!

August 21, 2011

Giants of the Faith: David!

August 14, 2011

The Unlikely Giant!

August 7, 2011

Giants of Faith: Nehemiah!

July 31, 2011

Land of Giants: Abraham

July 24, 2011

Moses – Joe Hassler

July 17, 2011

Living Giving!

July 10,2011

Don’t Give Up On Your Dreams!

July 3, 2011

Blessed are Those Who…..

A Clown’s Children’s Moment!

June 26, 2011

Land of Giants: Esther

June 19, 2011

The Land of Giants: Noah!

June 12, 2011

Promises of Pentecost!

June 5, 2011

The Road to Joy!

May 22, 2011

Entering God’s Presence!

May 15, 2011

Do You Have the Time?

May 8, 2011

Power For Living!

To hear more sermons from the past year click here!

We Are Located At:

Robyn — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 15:07:46 +0000

First Christian Church of Gurnee

6080 Gages Lake Rd

Gurnee, IL 60031

847-247-8568

Welcome!

Pastor David — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 20:34:40 +0000

Welcome to Disciples Gurnee! - the website for First Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) in Gurnee Illinois!

We are your community of intentional grace, a vibrant congregation under the Lordship of Jesus Christ and extend to you an invitation to join us at any time!

You Are Invited To . . .

Worship the Lord with us:

highlighted by

Uplifting Praise music
Relevant and timely prayer
Weekly Communion
Encouraging, Inspiring and Interactive Sermons
Children’s Messages

Serve The Lord in Ministry and Mission:

By discovering your spiritual gifts and using those gifts and talents in ministries like:

Sunday School
Music Ministries
Fellowship Ministries
Dial-A-Prayer Sponsor
Worship Leadership
Transportation Services
Audio/Visual Ministries
Allendale Angel Mission Team
Teen Mother Choice Ministry
Or in a ministry you would like to start!

Fellowship With Us…

After worship each week with refreshments in the narthex
In our Christian Women’s Fellowship (CWF) which meets quarterly (September through May)
Or in smaller groups that meet monthly (Rachel and Mary Circles)
in our Lunch Bunch – after worship dutch treat lunches
Women’s Night Out – monthly dinner out for women
In our various church picnics and potluck dinners

Learn With Us

Through our weekly Sunday School, with classes for all ages meeting at 9am
Through our periodic Adult Bible Studies, held throughout the year
Through a Community Bible Study meeting Tuesday evenings at 7pm
Through our annual Vacation Bible School (VBS)