Barb & Paul Draegert February 10

________________________________

February Birthdays!

Betty Lohfink February 2

Mary Zuraitis February 8

Karen Reynolds February 10

Norma Kendrick February 14

Donna Lenz February 14

Ashlyn Totsch February 14

Jaileigh Bondurant February 16

Joe Hassler February 16

Carol Closson February 17

Gerry Walker February17

If there is a birthday that should be on here but isn’t please let the office know so we can have our records updated!

Thank you!

Robyn Totsch

By Kathy Schoenborn

Personal Expectations
Thinking our views are right or presuming negative intention from our spouse are both deal breakers for contented marriage. The argument of “right or wrong” causes trouble in our marriages as we take issues not related to morality and dig in our heels to show our spouse that we are right. It is quite arrogant of us, actually, to think that our views and perspectives on life are right, which, by the way, would automatically make their views wrong!

I like the saying “You can either be right or you can be married!” Terry Real identifies this as a “perception battle,” or a contest about meaning. He says it occurs all the time in relationships, is a huge waste of time, and is irresolvable. He says it begs the unanswerable question “Whose reality is most legitimate?”

Obviously, both individuals in a marriage can’t be right, but actually, we can both be right if we accept that there is no right or wrong, just different. That is, unless we are discussing a moral right or wrong. We take it a step further when we see ourselves as right, then presume a negative intention regarding our spouse. This really escalates defensiveness and conflict, making a compromise much less probable. To reduce relational damage we need to ask for clarification of intent if we suspect a negative motive from our partner. In the case where one of us senses we are being negatively judged, we need to respond with an assertive versus an aggressive response.

Women adopt many early marriage expectations from family, society, culture, movies, books, and friends. Our expectations are often not talked about or challenged for truthfulness. They include such ideals as:    

These early and unrealistic expectations often get turned into negative attitudes, such as:

Whether we believe the first or second set of statements regarding our marriage, they are both subjective. These self-generated beliefs often lead us to blame our spouse for the outcomes. Blaming them locks us out of a solution and disables our ability to discern the real truth

I implore you to take the time to examine expectations about your husband, marriage, and love. Only then can you make intelligent and informed decisions based on truth, not the often-skewed perceptions of a hurting person! Remember, there is another person on the other side of the wedding rings who has expectations of his own. Ladies, we owe it to ourselves, our spouses, and our children to stop and examine these highly lethal “setups” to marital disaster.

Get Kathy Schoenborn’s book, I Want to Stay Married, But How?: Empowering Christian Women in Marriage

Copyright © 2012 by Kathy Schoenborn. Used with permission.

Read more at Growthtrac Be Right or Be Married, Christian Marriage Articles – Growthtrac http://www.growthtrac.com/artman/publish/be-right-or-be-married-1415.php#ixzz1l34FUw8C

Get the Matt Bell book, Money and Marriage

By Matt Bell

Men and women view money through different emotional filters. When asked which terms best describe their feelings about money, men are more likely to choose confidence (58 percent versus 44 percent of women). Women are more likely to pick anxiety (33 percent versus 18 percent of men), apprehension (26 percent versus 15 percent of men), and confusion (14 percent versus 8 percent of men).

Men and women are interested in different financial topics. Men are more into investing (83 percent versus 70 percent of women) and entrepreneurship (54 percent versus 36 percent of women). Women prefer savings (79 percent versus 69 percent of men), frugality (67 percent versus 53 percent of men), and shopping (20 percent versus 10 percent of men).

Men tend to be more aggressive with money. When applying for a job, for example, men are four times as likely as women to ask for more money than what is offered to them initially.8 Men are typically more comfortable taking on higher levels of risk. According to one survey, 66 percent of husbands labeled themselves the couple’s bigger risk taker with money versus 31 percent of wives.

More women (47 percent) than men (30 percent) feel they lack knowledge about investing, and fewer women say they enjoy investing (55 percent versus 69 percent of men).10 Given the previous findings about investing, it’s noteworthy that men make more investment mistakes than women, and they make them more often. For example, men are more likely than women to allocate too much of their portfolio to one investment (32 percent versus 23 percent of women), buy a hot investment without doing any research (24 percent versus 13 percent of women), and trade securities too often (12 percent versus 5 percent of women). There’s even evidence that women hedge fund managers outperform their male counterparts, with one ten-year study showing average annualized returns of 9 percent for hedge funds managed by women versus 5.8 percent for those managed by men.

Men and women differ in how they depict their current financial situation.

Lastly, men and women differ in their charitable giving, with women somewhat more likely than men to donate time and money.
Women tend to believe their situation to be worse than it actually is, sometimes overstating how much they have in debt. Men are just the opposite, tending to believe their situation to be better than it actually is, often overstating how much they earn.

Read more at Growthtrac What is it About Money?, Christian Marriage Articles – Growthtrac http://www.growthtrac.com/artman/publish/money-marriage-1413.php#ixzz1kOdtQNzT

Financial Opposites Attract
As if these general differences in perspective don’t make it difficult enough to manage money as husband and wife, researchers from Northwestern University and the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania found that we tend to magnify the difficulty by choosing mates who are especially different than we are when it comes to spending money. The research, published in a paper titled “Fatal (Fiscal) Attraction,” examined the mate selections of tightwads and spendthrifts. Tightwads were defined as people who find spending money to be painful yet regret not spending more. Spendthrifts were defined as people who feel little pain when they spend yet regret spending so much.

The researchers found that in moments of clear, rational thinking – before someone we’re attracted to walks by —  we are aware of the type of person who would be best for us: someone whose attitudes toward money are similar to ours. However, when it comes time to make a decision, we set aside rational thinking. Tightwads tend to marry spendthrifts, and vice versa. The more we dislike our own financial tendency, the more likely we are to marry our financial opposite.

At first glance, that makes sense and may even seem beneficial, or at least harmless. It can be fun to hang out with our financial opposite while dating. A guy who can’t bring himself to spend much may enjoy receiving nice gifts from a woman with a loose hold on her purse strings. However, the researchers say that from “I do” forward, life with a mate who approaches spending and saving differently than we do often leads to more financial conflict and less marital satisfaction.

By the way, despite the stereotype, it isn’t always the woman who’s the spender. In about one-third of couples, the husband freely admits he’s the one who parts with cash too easily.

But money does not have to be a source of conflict in your marriage, even if these stats strike fear in your heart because you realize you’re about to marry — or already have married — your financial opposite.

Copyright © 2011 by Matt Bell. Used with permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. NavPress.com

For February we will be going to:

The Red Robin in Gurnee

6420 Grand Ave.

Gurnee, IL 60031

Friday February 17 at 6:45pm!

There will be a sign up sheet in the Narthex for everyone to sign up! Come join us!

Every week we will be  taking a free will offering To help pay one bill a week!

This week’s bill is:

The Elevator Billl $130.00

Click here to donate now!

10 Ideas: Making Time for Your Spouse

By Mary May Larmoyeux

My husband, Jim, and I have been married for more than 30 years and we consider one another to be best friends. Despite this, we have to intentionally keep our relationship and marriage on the front burner of life.

Finding time to be with just one another is important to Jim and me. But I confess, it’s not always an easy thing to do. And this isn’t just our isolated problem. It’s common in most marriages—regardless of age.

The following 10 ideas can help you and me intentionally make time for our spouse:

1. Cultivate a common interest. Your spouse should be your best friend, and friends enjoy spending time with one another. If you and your spouse have different hobbies, find something that you both enjoy doing and do it together. You may want to go bike riding, walk together at the end of a long day, play tennis, or learn how to ballroom dance. Shared experiences enrich marriages and deepen friendship.

‘I realized that our relationship had to be a higher priority than my hobbies,’ says FamilyLife President Dennis Rainey of his early days of marriage. ‘Barbara and I had to decide what we wanted to be at the end of our lives—two people who had grown old together as partners or two people who had grown old alone.’

2. Have a regular date night. If you don’t have a relative nearby who would gladly watch your kids, then consider swapping babysitting with a friend on a regular basis. For example, you would watch their kids on the first Friday of every month and they would watch your kids on the second Saturday of every month.

With a little imagination, you can also plan some great dates at home … not only while the kids are sleeping, but also while they are enjoying pizza or watching a special movie.

3. Try new adventures together. We only live this life once. Try doing something different to force yourself out of the rut of normal day-to-day living. If you and your spouse would like to do something a little more daring, consider activities such as skydiving, scuba diving, mountain climbing, etc.

‘When my husband, Jim, and I said, ‘I do’ 37 years ago, I never envisioned myself camping on a budget or whizzing through the countryside on the back of a motorcycle,’ LaRue Launius says. ‘And Jim never imagined himself thousands of feet up in the air. But God has used these experiences, and countless others, to gradually knit our hearts together as best friends.’

4. Write love letters to one another and read them over a romantic dinner. Writing letters is almost a lost art form today. You may want to redeem it by regularly expressing your love to your spouse in a letter. Then read it to your spouse over a romantic dinner.

You could purchase special wooden boxes for your love letters. Or, record them in individual journals as a lasting reminder to your legacy of your love for one another.

5. Go on overnight getaways—without the kids. The possibilities are endless. Many state parks have great campsites and beautiful lodges. Staying at a nearby bed and breakfast can be a real treat. Also, hotels often have special weekend getaway packages.

After being married for 10 years, they discovered a secret that re-energizes their relationship—regular getaways. ‘We may relax at a friend’s lake house, camp at a state park, or book a resort condominium in the off-season,’ Bill explains. ‘God has continued to teach us to step off life’s treadmill and examine the health of our relationship. When we evaluate where we are heading, we reap a fabulous return on investment.’

6.  Set aside regular time to talk with one another—without any distractions. Make time to focus on one another and talk about the day’s events. When our children were young, my husband and I tried to visit together for 10-15 minutes before dinner each evening—just the two of us. You and your spouse may want to do this after the kids go to bed. The important thing is to share heart-to-heart and face-to-face.

If the kids are in school, you may want to have lunch together once a week. Put it on the calendar and make definite appointments. I read about a pastor who did this for years. He had a standing invitation for lunch one day a week that could not be broken—lunch with his wife.

7.  Read a book together and discuss it over coffee at a local coffeehouse or bookstore. Take turns choosing the books. If a movie has been made out of the book, read and discuss it together and then watch the movie. Compare the book to the movie.

8. Be accountable to one another. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 tells us, ‘Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion.’

You may want to ask your spouse to keep you accountable in a certain area. For example, I have a habit of over-committing myself and having way too many things on the to-do list.  My husband is great about bringing me back to earth and helping me establish a more balanced schedule.

Being accountable to our spouse requires one-on-one time—whether it’s over coffee in the morning or evaluating a to-do list together in the afternoon.

‘Accountability gives each marriage partner freedom and access to the other,’ Dennis Rainey writes. He adds that it means asking for advice and gives a spouse the freedom to share honest observations. ‘It means we’re teachable and approachable. We both need to be accountable to the other because each partner is fallible and quite capable of using faulty judgment.’

9. Pray together. When we regularly pray with our spouse, our souls and hearts are uniquely knit together.  Sadly, we’ll forget many of the ways God answers our prayers unless we write them down.

You may want to record how God answers your prayers in a notebook. Once or so a year, go on an overnight getaway with your spouse and review it together. Spend some time thanking the Lord for all He has done.

10. Tune-up your marriage at a Weekend to Remember® marriage getaway. Attending a Weekend to Remember will help you get away from the distractions of life and focus on one another.

‘We had a wonderful time,’ one wife wrote after attending a recent Weekend to Remember. ‘Everyone was so welcoming. We didn’t come to this as a couple who was looking to save their marriage. We came as a couple who needed a tune-up. We’re running good and would like to keep it that way.’

Originally seen on FamilyLife
Copyright © 2012 by Mary May Larmoyeux. Used with permission

Read more at Growthtrac 10 Ideas: Making Time for Your Spouse, Christian Marriage Articles – Growthtrac http://www.growthtrac.com/artman/publish/marriage-date-fun-1406.php#ixzz1jjWSSDnP ]]> http://disciplesgurnee.org/2787/january-17-making-time-for-your-spouse.htm/feed 0 http://disciplesgurnee.org/2785/feb-5-superbowl-party.htm http://disciplesgurnee.org/2785/feb-5-superbowl-party.htm#comments Tue, 17 Jan 2012 16:20:42 +0000 Robyn http://disciplesgurnee.org/?p=2785 February 5 at 5:00pm!
At Brenda Medeiros’s Home
2410 Greenwood Ave
Waukegan, IL 60087

Bring an appetizer to share
and come join us for this great  fellowship opportunity!

All are welcome!

July 21
I learned today that the word “lovingkindness” is translated from the Hebrew word “hesed,” which is used often in the Old Testament to signify God’s covenant, steadfast love for me. In the Psalms (and this is true in Psalm 92) hesed is associated with the call to worship. I see that my morning and evening times of reflective thankfulness are all about worshiping the One who loves me, not just with a love like I love, but with a deep unfailing love.

Hesed is the unmerited and generous favor of God. Hesed love is gentle and always reaches out to the object of that love—which means me. Old Testament scholar Daniel Block describes hesed as “that quality that moves a person to act for the benefit of another without respect to the advantage that it might bring to the one who expresses it …. [T]his quality is expressed fundamentally in action rather than word or emotion.”

Father, thank you for leading me to learn about thanking you and your precious lovingkindness to me. I see clearly that what I’m learning isn’t just to encourage me; it’s also meant to teach me how to love my husband. I’m to do things that are best for him—not for me. To love him with my actions, not just my words.

July 30
I love it, my Father, that not one English word can hold all the meaning of hesed, so we string words together. It is never just love but “steadfast, covenant-love,” “unfailing love,” and “lovingkindness.” It is like when I talk to one of our grandchildren. Just saying “I love you” isn’t enough, so it is, “I love you more than all the ice cream in the whole world!” Thank you that you needed more than one word to express your everlasting love for me … that touches me in a deep place.

So when I meditate on God’s faithfulness in the evening, I am thanking him that he is always true and always the same, that he is good, even when I can’t understand him, and that he loves me, even when I don’t feel his love. Beth Moore says that the degree of our faithfulness to others is the direct result of our regard for God’s faithfulness to us. That is some statement, and in my spirit, I know it is true.

August 9
Lord, it just hit me that love and faithfulness are fruit of the Spirit. They are what I need to love this complicated man you gave me. My personal Marriage Purpose Statement is the word “faithful,” and forever faithful is what I long to be. So thank you, my Father, for leading me to thank you for just what I need. I see that my faithfulness and love are the direct result of how big and wide and deep your love and faithfulness are to me. Teach me, please.

August 15
Oh, I am excited about what I learned today! Psalm 59:10 says that God in his lovingkindness will meet me. I see my Father coming to sit with me and share a cup of tea. How precious that he meets me in his lovingkindness. I feel embraced by his love. I’ve been walking around all day thanking the Holy One for personally meeting with me in his unfailing love.

August 21
Lord, I thank you today for showing me in Psalm 36 that your lovingkindness is as vast as the heavens and that your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds. As I sit by this beautiful lake, drinking in your serene presence, I thank You that You declare that Your lovingkindness is precious (Psalm 36:7) and that you pour out your lovingkindness on those who love You (Psalm 36:10). Because you declare this to me today, I proclaim the preciousness of your unfailing love to me. Thank you for this quiet day to bask in your presence and literally feel the delight of your lovingkindness poured out on me. Oh, how I love you!

Six months have passed, and I am still thanking God and praising him every morning for his lovingkindness and every evening for his faithfulness. I have felt my gratitude growing. I’ve been focusing on God gratitude, but it is overflowing and turning into gratitude for my husband.

How about you? It is really very simple to imitate my God-Gratitude Project. Why don’t you get out your Bible and memorize Psalm 92:1-2? It is easy to remember. Then begin to journal and see your gratitude grow!

Excerpted from What’s It Like to Be Married to Me?: and Other Dangerous Questions by Linda Dillow

Copyright © 2011 by Linda Dillow. Used with permission from David C. Cook. All rights reserved.

Handling the Holidays During Grief of Loss

Get the Laura Petherbridge book, Whan ‘I Do’ Becomes I Don’t

By Laura Petherbridge

Take a moment during this season of “good cheer” and ponder if there is someone you know who may be struggling. If so, here are a few practical tips to share.

PREPARE. The ambush of emotions can attack at any time, therefore the wisest response is to prepare beforehand. Pinpoint a time that you believe may be particularly difficult such as Christmas morning, or Thanksgiving meal. Then determine a plan beforehand.

ACCEPT. The difficulty of this time of year may be a reminder of your loss. Remember that it’s a season and it will pass. Don’t feel guilty if your goal for the holidays this year is to “get through it.”

DON’T ANESTHETIZE the pain with drugs or alcohol. Numbing emotional distress with chemicals often creates more depression and anxiety. Plus you may do something you will regret.

LEAVE THEM ALONE. If old ornaments or trimmings cause too much pain don’t hang them this year. Put them aside for another time. Avoid fragrances, music, or locations that may trigger sadness.

GET UP AND MOVE. Take care of your physical well-being. Healthy foods will give you strength; fattening foods and sugar can make you sluggish or worsen depression. Exercise produces natural stress reducers.

SHOP online if going to the mall is too stressful. But watch for over spending as it may be a negative coping mechanism with disastrous results.

COPING STRATEGY. Have the phone number of your counselor, church, close friend or hotline already taped to your phone. Make the commitment to call someone if negative thoughts become intense. Seek out a support group that specializes in your loss, many of them have events targeted to ease the pain during the holidays.

LIGHT. Get sunshine. Winter can take its toll on our emotions due to a loss of sun we experience. Take a walk during lunch if necessary.

INVITE a new same sex friend to see a movie, have dinner, or help decorate the house.

SET BOUNDARIES. Precisely explain to your family and friends what you are capable of doing this year, and what you aren’t. Don’t let others guilt you into taking on more than you can handle.

UNDERSTAND OTHERS. People who have never suffered loss may not understand your sadness or sorrow during the holidays. In particular if your loss isn’t obvious such as the death of a loved one, you may need to explain why you are struggling.

BE CREATIVE. Do something completely different this year. Visit a friend, take a cruise, go to the mountains or the beach, go skiing or hiking. Find someone else who may be struggling this year and brainstorm. The list is endless.

Copyright © 2011 by Laura Petherbridge. Read more at laurapetherbridge.com.  

Make sure you come out to our progrm on Wednesday! All Are Invited!

When: February 8, 2011

Time: 6:30pm

Mary Circle will provide appetizers!

 We are asking people to bring 1 new or gently used book for an infant to 5 year old to help support

Bernies Book Bank!  Click here  for more information on Bernie’s books and how to donate!